The Reality of Agile Implementation

In the world of software development, Agile methodology has become a buzzword that's tossed around like confetti at a parade. But in many outsourcing companies, the implementation of Agile is about as effective as a chocolate teapot. Let's dive into the clusterfuck that is Agile(in all senses of this word) misuse and explore why having a solid idea is more crucial than any methodology.

The Misuse of Agile

Imagine the impossible: a child with underdeveloped limbs trying to lift a cargo container overhead. This bizarre scene is doomed to fail from the start. While the universe is vast and strange things do happen, some things are simply GODDAMN IMPOSSIBLE. And by 'some things,' I mean 'Agile' implementation in most outsourcing companies.

• Personal interpretations: Agile is meant to be "flexible", so every self-respecting Scrum Master or or Project Manager applies their own version of Agile.
• One-size-fits-all approach: Personal interpretations are used as a template for ANY project, regardless of its unique needs.
• Ritual over substance: The template often consists of a set of "rituals" — pulling words from Agile articles and creating instructions from them. For example:
  • Sprint Retrospective (aka "Let's complain about the same things that we complained twenty four sprints ago")
  • Planning Poker, Planning Pinball, Planning 5D Chess, and other such bullshit (aka "Let's pretend we are fucking oracle of Delphi")
• Daily Standup (aka "All members can be replaced with parrots and nobody will notice")

This approach often ignores the actual context and needs of the project, turning Agile into a bureaucratic nightmare rather than a flexible methodology.

The Importance of Ideas

The Necessity of a Solid Idea

Most often, in outsourcing companies, things with ideas are not going very well. Why? There are several reasons:

• Clients often just want to make money quickly.
• Outsourcing companies too.
• Clients assume that the outsourcing company knows how to do things right and don't delve into the details.
• Contractors often lack investment in the project—after all, they've had a hundred similar ones before and will have just as many after.

This combination creates an environment where understanding and development of ideas are missing. Clients may not realize the importance of a clear idea, relying blindly on the contractor's experience, while contractors may not feel enough motivation to invest time and effort in developing ideas for project.

Can a product be great without a solid idea behind it? I don't know, but I think absolutely FUCKING NOT. Every successful product begins (if you're lucky) or ends (if you're not so lucky) with a clear idea. It doesn't have to be revolutionary, but it DAMN WELL needs to have a purpose.

• The idea doesn't need to be groundbreaking but must have direction and intent.
• It's crucial to bridge the gap between client expectations and contractor approaches to create something.

Identifying a Solid Idea

How do you determine if your idea is solid? I know a good marker - it's easy to explain the essence to other people in simple words. Vague ideas like "I want to make money LOL" or "I want a cool store with photos and stuff" aren't worth SHIT. Such superficial goals fail to benefit from methodologies like Agile or any other; they lack the substance needed for clear development.

Even if you shake this weak idea in a jar with cool features, approaches and methodologies - it will remain SHIT, using any methodology, principle or even sorcery. Because absolutely no one is interested in this product, I mean at all. It's made not just without effort, probably it's made with disgust due to the understanding that nobody needs it and a group of people is wasting life on it in a bad sense.

Characteristics of weak ideas:

• Lack of clear articulation and detail
• Vague or superficial goals that don't provide a foundation for work
• Lead to ineffective products and wasted resources

Agile methods cannot compensate for a lack of substance in the idea. No amount of sprints, stand-ups, or retrospectives can turn a shitty idea into gold.

Building with a Strong Idea

A strong idea can be relatively simple written down, but it will take more than four words. We'll start organizing it - I can't imagine any other way. This will be FUCKING PLANNING. And this will be the core, with a description of each important component.

The idea can be described in primitive language - there are people who translate incoherent mumbling into instructions for technical specialists. But this is only possible if there's an idea that can be described as instructions with input data, a way of processing this data, or understanding what you want to get as output.

This can be planned. This can be found on the network. And here the thinking machine will start working, because everything is there, this can be assembled, this can work. There's a goal, there's understanding. There might even be a place for applying experience, improvement. You can feel usefulness.

True Agile?

Applying Common Sense

At this moment it turns out that Agile is not about Agile, it's all about applying COMMON FUCKING SENSE, no matter how you name it.

If a developer doesn't want to complete tasks by the end of the sprint, no FUCKING methodology can change that.

If a team doesn't care about quality, no amount of code reviews will make the product better.

If the client doesn't know what they want, no FUCKING amount of meetings will bring clarity.

The project won't become successful just because you've filled out all the forms "the right way."

By the way, everyone knows you're an Agile impostor.

Effective *your_method_name_here* implementation requires more than just following a set of rituals or filling out documents. It demands a foundation built on clear, purposeful ideas, practical common sense, and a motivation to work.

So, cut the bullshit and don't let Agile become a shamanic ritual in your organization.

And for fuck's sake, start with an idea.